We knew this would be a long process going in. We were told it would take 18-24 months from the time we started our paperwork until the time we would bring our kids home. We were ready for it. Yes we were ready! So for the first six months we gathered paperwork, we traveled to Milwaukee, we paid lots of money, yes we were getting things done, it felt good. I thought to myself:
"Boy once this part is done and out of my hands (because I'm in control right!?!?! Just in case you don't know me I say that tongue in cheek!) I can sit back and watch what God does!"
Yes what a wonderful day it was when we sent in ALL of our paperwork......
Okay so now what?
Well, I thought I was going to sit back and watch what God did. The ball was back in His court right!?!?! Well yes it's always in His court but now about that sitting back and watching what God does.....that part, the part I thought would be the best, the easiest, turns out to be the hardest, most awful wait I've ever had to endure, and by my calculations we have approximately, well let me see, umm....hmmmmm...well I have no stinkin' idea how long to wait! Nobody really knows, (well God does but He's not telling) and I just have to learn how to trust all over again. I thought I trusted God already but it turns out I go through these phases where I just don't, I think I do but then I find myself sitting in my room rocking back and forth and thinking:
...what if the Haitian government stops adoptions from Haiti???
...what if the kids go back whence they came???
...what if something happens??? (???)
.....now does that sound like a women who trusts that God has it all worked out??????
And do you know what the worst part for me is? It's the fact that I went there, I held those babies in my arms and told them I love them. What must they be thinking when they see other kids white folks come in to see them or worse take them HOME and they are still there waiting for their white folks to come back for them. I can't begin to imagine how they must feel. I know they are young and probably won't remember any of this (so please don't tell me that again) but what about RIGHT NOW. This is when I need to stop rocking and cry out to my God for His comfort and His strength to endure this seemingly unbearable wait. He not only holds me in the palm of His hand but He also holds our babies too. And as one great preacher told us once, while we have to say goodbye, God doesn't, He is with us all, all the time and there is a lot of comfort in that. The God who is here with me, right now, is there in Haiti with my kids too, right now. And what better presence to be in than the One who created the heavens and the earth and all that is in them!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
As it turns out, adoption isn't just about care for orphans, while that's a key component of the equation, it's not all there is to it. God uses what we've messed up to shape us into what He wants us to become. So while I wait I WILL trust God, I'll go back to what I said I would do at the beginning and I'll take it one day at a time. Just for today LORD I will trust YOU. I will wait with joy and with a cheerful heart. I will laugh at the beginning of each new day.
Side note about the laughing: I read somewhere that if you laugh before you get out of bed, even if it's a forced laugh it really helps set the tone for the day. So I've been trying it and it works. My first day was great, I laughed out loud Ha Ha Ha (real corny like) and sure enough I sounded so ridiculous I laughed for real. What a treat Joe will have to wake up to on the weekends aye?
Anyway, I will enjoy my family of five before we become a family of seven (YIKES....) because there is no time like today. I will rejoice for this is the day that the LORD has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
We are no longer orphans because of what God did for us. With one simple act of obedience our sins were forgiven at the cross. So what are we doing with the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ? Our family has decided to take a step of faith and do what He's called us to do, to take care of widows and orphans. Our journey starts with adoption.