So after having our paper work in USCIS in Haiti for 8 weeks we come to find out that there are some documents that they are needing to be resent to them. So.....of course we get that all taken care of only to come to the end of that process to find that our fingerprints have expired! Ugghhh......I totally lost my focus that week and started to spiral out of control, if anyone so much as looked like they were going to ask about the adoption I started to well up and I feared a torrential down pour so I avoided people's eye contact at all costs.
We took care of business and within the week (Friday to be exact) had the fingerprinting appointment letters in my hands. I sure hope the neighbours didn't see me whooping and hollering at the end of the drive way. I just couldn't contain my excitement!
I know that there are many of you praying for us and for me in particular and for that I am so thankful. I experienced that peace that has brought me through this last two years once again this last week and I know it's in part because you all are praying. It's also because I got my focus back in perspective and took my eyes off myself and put them back where they should be, on HIM. It's amazing how things just seem so much better when I focus on Jesus and what He has done for me. Again I was reminded that this isn't all about me and my family or even our kids that we are still to be united with, it's about HIM and His work on the cross for our sin. I am so thankful for the peace which surpasses all comprehension which guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
So many times during this adoption God has shown me how much I cling to the things of this world. It's really quite tragic. I know there are many times I have clung to our Haitian children and have put them in the place of God, this is when things get out of hand and I go crazy! We must remember to keep God in His rightful place, He is the only One that can fill any void we have, whether that be children, spouse, house, belongings, ..........you fill in the blank. None of that can fill a void that only God belongs in. That longing, that ache, that feeling like something is not quite right, it's there in all of us because we are not in right relationship with our Creator. We live in a broken world and we MUST keep our focus on Him. When He returns that ache will be gone and we will be in perfect communion with our LORD but until that day comes we must keep God in His rightful place in our lives and focus on Him. I'm looking forward to that day but until then I will continue to run the race the God has set out for me and I'll look to Him as my guiding light in this broken and crazy world.
And now for my prayer request: our family coordinator has informed me that many of the Haiti adopting families across the country have received their fingerprint appointments and then been successful at doing a walk in on an earlier day at their USCIS office. I haven't found anyone who has done so at the Milwaukee office but we are going to take the risk. Joe has taken the day off tomorrow and we will attempt to get our fingerprints done a week and a half early! It's worth the risk, worst case scenario we return home without our fingerprints done and go back on April 9. So please pray with me that they would allow us to come in early and have our biometrics taken. It only takes 10mins to have the prints done. Thanks for praying!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
Don't be fooled.
As I sit here and think about the last two years (yes it's been two years, in fact we hit the two year mark on February 25, 2014) and the fact that we are still waiting for our babies to arrive I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head and I don't even know where to begin. So I'll just start with an update.
Our paperwork is currently in USCIS in Haiti awaiting I-600 approval, that means our paperwork is now in US hands. Once we have the I-600 approval we will then need to wait for the visas to be issued, once that is done we get the go ahead to go pick up our kiddos and finally bring them home. Our paperwork has been in USCIS for seven weeks this Friday March 7. That sounds like a long time and it is but they have a backlog of dossiers which is a good thing because that means there are a lot of kids real close to being united with their forever families. Patience...
I was doing okay up until about two weeks ago. The news of one family getting their I-600 approval sent me into spontaneous praises to God. That could only have come from God as I was leaning into Jesus but as I've said many times, lately, during this process the flesh is a tough contender and when I heard that the family whose paperwork was submitted to USCIS on the same day as ours got their approval at the five week mark I gave in to my selfish and sinful ways.
It didn't happen right away, it was gradual but I could feel it and I chose to allow it to sneak in and take root. All the while my LORD was standing by at the ready to help me in my time of need but I chose instead to wallow in my bitterness about how long this was taking, how unfair it all is, and how could it possibly be taking this long, and of course why didn't we get our approval too? Of course I was happy for the family, how could I not be but I was beginning to feel sorry for myself and how unfair it all is.
I chose not to trust in my LORD and Saviour the One who loves those kids more than I ever could, the One who knows infinitely more than I do and who has this whole thing already worked out. I stopped listening to reason and instead listened to myself. I ignored the God who holds all life in His hands, regardless of what we think or believe. What a mistake that was, what a mistake that always is!
But as I had my wee tantrum and pity party God in His infinite mercy and grace chose to give me a glimpse of what He is doing. This whole adoption is not about me, obviously, it's not even about the kiddos, it's about so much more than that, it's about Him, Him and His plan, His plan for the redemption of His creation. He loves us all so much more than we could ever imagine and the "Good News" the Gospel message is one that we need to cling to every minute of every day. It's not just a one time thing, it's something that we need on a daily basis. We need to continually go back to the Gospel message. There we find the authour and perfecter of our faith and that's where we find the "everything" we're so desperately looking for. When we find ourselves in Christ every minute of the day life seems more manageable, not easier for when we say Yes to Jesus that doesn't mean life on easy street, in fact it often times means just the opposite.
I'm not saying it's not okay to cry or be sad or mad or whatever emotion you're feeling, because our emotions are certainly real and God gave them to us but we mustn't base our decisions on them and react to them in a way that is inappropriate, which is what I was doing. I should have stopped at the crying part, leaned back into Jesus and carried on trusting that His timing is perfect but I didn't and I didn't believe at that time that His timing is perfect, I knew it but I chose not to believe it. But because God isn't like us, He chose to love me anyway, even in my nasty tantrum, and He decided to give me a tangible reminder of how GREAT He is and still I don't even have a clue of how truly great He is.
God's encouragement in a letter...
On Monday, March 3, I received a hand written letter from a dear friend from the Milwaukee area (you know who you are!) in the mail. As I sat at the table with my kiddos I read the letter that was to be the turning point for my bad attitude. Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't speak. She is following our journey and wanted to let me know that she is thinking of us. I felt ashamed for my bad behaviour and thankful for such an amazing God that in my sin He still reaches down and shows us that He has this, He's got it all covered, and the He's not done yet. He used that letter and my friend to bless me in a way that was just so needed. Wow........
So please don't be fooled. As far as patience goes, I don't have any, ANY, I by nature am not patient so please don't read my blog and see this patient woman, enduring these two long years patiently, I haven't. I've cried, I've shouted at my kids in frustration, I've held grudges against my husband for no other reason other than that he walked into the house in a good mood when I wasn't, yes that really happened :(, I've felt sorry for myself, I've doubted myself as a mother, every emotion you have had, I've had it too. AND I've tried to control parts of this adoption which is just so ridiculous to even think about! We're all the same, we're all sinners in need of the one true God. I'm so thankful that God in His grace chose to use this sinful family to show His grace to those around us. I hope that's what you see when you read this blog.
Thanks for following along and for praying. Please continue to pray these precious souls home and pray that I would have the patience that can only come from Jesus!
Our paperwork is currently in USCIS in Haiti awaiting I-600 approval, that means our paperwork is now in US hands. Once we have the I-600 approval we will then need to wait for the visas to be issued, once that is done we get the go ahead to go pick up our kiddos and finally bring them home. Our paperwork has been in USCIS for seven weeks this Friday March 7. That sounds like a long time and it is but they have a backlog of dossiers which is a good thing because that means there are a lot of kids real close to being united with their forever families. Patience...
I was doing okay up until about two weeks ago. The news of one family getting their I-600 approval sent me into spontaneous praises to God. That could only have come from God as I was leaning into Jesus but as I've said many times, lately, during this process the flesh is a tough contender and when I heard that the family whose paperwork was submitted to USCIS on the same day as ours got their approval at the five week mark I gave in to my selfish and sinful ways.
It didn't happen right away, it was gradual but I could feel it and I chose to allow it to sneak in and take root. All the while my LORD was standing by at the ready to help me in my time of need but I chose instead to wallow in my bitterness about how long this was taking, how unfair it all is, and how could it possibly be taking this long, and of course why didn't we get our approval too? Of course I was happy for the family, how could I not be but I was beginning to feel sorry for myself and how unfair it all is.
I chose not to trust in my LORD and Saviour the One who loves those kids more than I ever could, the One who knows infinitely more than I do and who has this whole thing already worked out. I stopped listening to reason and instead listened to myself. I ignored the God who holds all life in His hands, regardless of what we think or believe. What a mistake that was, what a mistake that always is!
But as I had my wee tantrum and pity party God in His infinite mercy and grace chose to give me a glimpse of what He is doing. This whole adoption is not about me, obviously, it's not even about the kiddos, it's about so much more than that, it's about Him, Him and His plan, His plan for the redemption of His creation. He loves us all so much more than we could ever imagine and the "Good News" the Gospel message is one that we need to cling to every minute of every day. It's not just a one time thing, it's something that we need on a daily basis. We need to continually go back to the Gospel message. There we find the authour and perfecter of our faith and that's where we find the "everything" we're so desperately looking for. When we find ourselves in Christ every minute of the day life seems more manageable, not easier for when we say Yes to Jesus that doesn't mean life on easy street, in fact it often times means just the opposite.
I'm not saying it's not okay to cry or be sad or mad or whatever emotion you're feeling, because our emotions are certainly real and God gave them to us but we mustn't base our decisions on them and react to them in a way that is inappropriate, which is what I was doing. I should have stopped at the crying part, leaned back into Jesus and carried on trusting that His timing is perfect but I didn't and I didn't believe at that time that His timing is perfect, I knew it but I chose not to believe it. But because God isn't like us, He chose to love me anyway, even in my nasty tantrum, and He decided to give me a tangible reminder of how GREAT He is and still I don't even have a clue of how truly great He is.
God's encouragement in a letter...
On Monday, March 3, I received a hand written letter from a dear friend from the Milwaukee area (you know who you are!) in the mail. As I sat at the table with my kiddos I read the letter that was to be the turning point for my bad attitude. Tears welled up in my eyes and I couldn't speak. She is following our journey and wanted to let me know that she is thinking of us. I felt ashamed for my bad behaviour and thankful for such an amazing God that in my sin He still reaches down and shows us that He has this, He's got it all covered, and the He's not done yet. He used that letter and my friend to bless me in a way that was just so needed. Wow........
So please don't be fooled. As far as patience goes, I don't have any, ANY, I by nature am not patient so please don't read my blog and see this patient woman, enduring these two long years patiently, I haven't. I've cried, I've shouted at my kids in frustration, I've held grudges against my husband for no other reason other than that he walked into the house in a good mood when I wasn't, yes that really happened :(, I've felt sorry for myself, I've doubted myself as a mother, every emotion you have had, I've had it too. AND I've tried to control parts of this adoption which is just so ridiculous to even think about! We're all the same, we're all sinners in need of the one true God. I'm so thankful that God in His grace chose to use this sinful family to show His grace to those around us. I hope that's what you see when you read this blog.
Thanks for following along and for praying. Please continue to pray these precious souls home and pray that I would have the patience that can only come from Jesus!
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