Not only was I blessed with the opportunity to go on a missions trip with four other people from our church, one of whom is one of my closest girlfriends, but I got to see my kids again!!!
I have so many wonderful stories to share. I'll start with a followup from our last trip. In one of my previous posts I mentioned that I didn't feel safe in Haiti and that I didn't find the Haitian people to be all that friendly. I tend to smile and say Hi to people, all the time, and Haiti was no exception. Last trip I gave up because I didn't get any response from most people. This time I decided to give it another go and to my amazement it was totally different. Almost everyone I waved to or smiled at, either waved or smiled back, gave a head nod, or acknowledged us in some way. It was a wonderful thing. I have to wonder if the location had anything to do with it as that was the only thing that was different. I'm pretty sure we were staying in a MUCH nicer part of town. That brings me to the Guest House.....
Wow, very nice place and wonderful hosts. Thanks so much to Tim and Aimme Wilson who made us feel so welcome and taken care of. Very nice accommodations and amazing views of Haiti.
Check out the foreground as well as
the background in these two!!!
On our second day in Haiti we were on our way to the Orphanage and were almost there when our truck died in the middle of the road. Fortunately it started again and we made it to a gas station. Phew...off we went, or so we thought, it chugged and spluttered again and again it died but this time we pulled off the road. This happened a number of times and we were praying we would make it and not be stranded. We were almost to the turn off road to the Orphanage and we decided to pray out loud that we wouldn't break down on that road because our driver on the last trip to Haiti wouldn't allow us to walk that road due to there being a gang that he had heard of living down there somewhere and he didn't know who they were of where they were but he wasn't about to let us walk! This wasn't a road we wanted to be stuck on. We prayed and I kid you not, that truck drove us up to the door of the Orphanage and then never started again!!! Needless to say we had to get alternative transportation home that day. Our God is Mighty!
Broken Truck...
New Truck! (Next day)
This was an emotionally charged trip for me and on Monday when one of the Nannies told me I could take the kids back to the Guest House with me for the week I think I almost had a heart attack, right there on the spot. She must have seen the look of shear shock and panic written all over my face, I think I sat there looking at here for about 1 full minute before I actually came to my senses and said to the translator "What did she say?" Gathering my composure I replied, very cool, calm, and collected like, "Umm....well.....is that even allowed....I mean can I just take them.....???" "I'll have to check with someone about that.......I mean....really....you want me to take them?" Well I didn't know what to do. I was completely taken aback, completely unprepared for such a situation, and to top it all off MY HUSBAND WASN'T THERE!!!!!!! I was about to freak out. I should have been excited at the prospect, but I wasn't and I struggled with that. That night Aimee said don't worry I'll text Michelle and see if she thinks it's okay. Well Michelle replied back and said, why yes of course you can, if the orphanage approached you, sure you can. Not what I wanted to hear. You may be wondering at this point why on earth didn't I want to have my kids with me for the week and you would be right to think that but let me just tell you what I was feeling in that moment of shear shock and panic....
Here I am on a "Mission Trip" to the Orphanage I'm adopting two precious children from (which, by the way I can't wait to bring home) without my husband. I had ideas of what the week was going to look like and it was a HUGE bonus that I got to spend the days at the Orphanage with my kids. I've met my kids once, my boy is afraid to even venture out of the safety of his wee room, he keeps getting told this white woman is his Mama, which clearly in his almost two year old mind is just absurd, and our four year old daughter, I can't even begin to imagine what she's thinking about this whole crazy situation.
So you've got an emotional adopting Mama without her hubby, two kids she doesn't really even know (let alone know how to communicate with) and they don't know her either and now you want me to take them back at the end of an exhausting day? I didn't bring anything for them to wear, I had no snacks or anything necessary for taking care of kids. It was something I was completely unprepared for and then at the end of the week what will I say to the kids? Oh, nice seeing ya, we spent days and nights together but now I'm outta here? I just wasn't mentally in the right frame of mind to do that. If Joe had been there, I think it would have been a completely different story but I didn't think I could handle that alone. Thankfully God didn't either because no one asked me again the entire week. The next time we go down I'll be prepared for such a situation and I'm waiting with great expectation on the LORD's timing for that day.
I've just bared my soul to you, I've been transparent with you about some feelings I struggled with because I want you to know that I'm human, I have emotions and sin in my life and I'm not a good person. I'm a person saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. Anything "good" that you see has to be about Jesus and not me, I have nothing to offer without Jesus, this is not something that Joe and I are doing out of the "goodness of our hearts". I don't have it all together as some may think. I may look good from the outside, like I have it all together with my three wee kiddies and two on the way, homeschooling, housekeeping, I could go on and on it sounds so lovely doesn't it? But I'm here to tell you that I don't have it all together.....not.....at.....all. I'm broken, weak, and struggling in the battle. Life is hard, parenting is hard, marriage is hard, and adopting is hard. BUT I have hope. I have hope that God knows exactly what He's doing and in trusting Him minute by minute, I will know what to do with each and every day of my life. So I will follow Him as He leads and I will cry out and ask each day, (multiple times) "LORD what do you want me to do today, now, right this minute", because that's what it means to walk in the Spirit. Any strength I have comes from Him, if not for the Holy Spirit I would have succumbed to the flesh long ago, I am weak. There is such freedom in knowing that I don't have to have it all figured out. I only have to follow God right now in the present, I don't need to concern myself with tomorrow or any other day, other than today. So join me in the journey, let us follow hard after Jesus, the one to whom all blessing and honour and praise belong for it is He that is Holy and worthy to be praised!
This got way longer than I anticipated and I have so much more to share so...
To be continued.......
